Daily Log 01/19/2009 Part 2

I'm really freaked out. Since PT my sternum and ribs have started hurting allot more. Not just muscle, it's starting to feel like if I move wrong, I'm going to break my ribs or sternum. It's definitely bone and cartilage pain. Most of the major pain is located on the right side of my chest. I'm really hurting and a little scared. I'm definitely going to get that detailed CT tomorrow and I'm also going to call my PCP for a same day appointment.

Daily Log 01/19/2009

I woke up in allot of pain but, it is actually a little better than yesterday so I'm pretty happy about that. My lower back is spasming allot though which, is making it hard to stay sitting in my wheelchair too long. I think now that my chest pain is easing up a little that I'm starting to notice all the other pains generated from the accident. PT went well today. My range of motion is still improving.

Poor Kat is back at WalMart trying to get them to fix some defective Visa gift cards. This will be the second day in a row that we tried to buy totes and packaging material from WalMart with these stupid cards. She is so frustrated at having to waste two days with WalMart's B.S. Not to mention the gas money. I'm beyond frustrated because I can't drive or help her deal with any of this. I feel so useless.

Sadly, I'm noticing allot more pain since today's PT session. It feels like I have some major skeletal pain, not muscle. It feels like the cartilage holding my ribs together and to my sternum is loose or weekend. It's really worrying me. I think I'm going to take my PCP up on the script to get a detailed CT of my sternum and cartilage joints.

Daily Log 01/18/2009

Still having trouble waking up early because I know how much it's going to hurt. My movement is still improving but, the pain in my chest is only decreasing a very slight amount. The pain medication that I'm on just barely takes the edge off. I couldn't even lift a small plastic tote at WalMart today. It's so frustrating.

A side note. My lower back has been spasming allot these last couple days.

Daily Log 01/17/2009

Woke up in extreme pain again. Kat and I went to look at possible replacement cars for her but, I could only make it through one test drive before the pain in my chest was too much. My lower back started to spasm as well. Me not being able to drive is really making things difficult.

We looked at a Subaru Outback which, we really liked. The only thing she didn't like was that the seat didn't sit straight enough for her to be comfortable.

I co-signed and got mom approved for the apartment. Kat and I are going to have to go over every evening starting Monday in order to get her packed up in time to move her on February 2nd.

I'm really concerned about all of this impacting my healing. I know it's causing me excruciating pain but, what is it doing to the overall time it's going to take me to heal. Krishna is the only one left in our family trying to help and it just makes me so sad.

Daily Log 01/16/2009

Woke up in severe pain again. I must have rolled onto my side while asleep. We went to Shawn's birthday party at Native New Yorker but could only stay for an hour before the pain got too much for me. Kat had to drive because I still can't. I still need help to get in and out of the shower but at least I can shower. Household chores are still difficult for me. I tried sitting at my desk to do a little reading to try and catch up on some work related items but, after an hour my chest and back hurt so much, I had to go lay down with the heating pad.

I'm getting so frustrated. Everything is snowballing and because of this accident, I can't do much to help mom. I feel so totally useless. We have about 2 weeks left to get her precious items packed and ready to be moved. I'm going to have to rent a moving truck with a lift because some of her antiques are just to big and heavy. Then I have to figure out how to get her car which is inoperable moved and stored somewhere. At this point, I don't even know if I'm ever going to be able to get it restored to working order. It just means so much to her that I don't want to abandon it. She has so little left in this world.

Daily Log 01/15/2009

Nothing to really report other than normal pain and frustration. My range of movement is improving but, the pain is only mildly better. I still can't drive or lift anything more than a few pounds.

Daily Log 01/14/2009

Had PT again this morning. Things went a bit better. Range of motion is improving and pain is a little better thanks to the new stronger pain medication. Unfortunately, I tried to do to much. Kat, Buffy, and I went to the Broad Stone Apartments at Rittenhouse and Ocotillo to check out a one bedroom apartment for my mom. Their 1 bedroom is absolutely perfect. All wood floors which will make moving in the wheelchair easier as well as cleanup. Very wide doorways and a spacious patio. Huge bathroom that she'll be able to do donuts in if she wanted to. The idea is to set her up in a special hospital bed in the living room that way she won't be hidden away. It should be perfect for her. Take a look at the amenities below. She won't be able to use most of them until she starts getting stronger and heals a bit but, they're there for the future. The caregiver will get extended hours since she won't have anyone living there with her so she should be safe. I'm going to have to co-sign for her and help her with the rent. Sadly, it will only be my mom. She will be close to Krish and I so when we are better, we can help her and spend more time with her which, I hope will lift her spirits. My hope is that if she's surrounding by love instead of what she is currently surrounded by, that she will finally start to heal. It's so very frustrating not being able to do more for my mom. This accident just plain sucks. It's not going to be easy with all of the challenges in Kat and my life and hopefully the upcoming blessing but, she's my mom and I have to do everything possible to help take care of her.

The constant rolling around sent my chest into spasms which, made it very painful and hard to breath. Once we got home, I got things under control with pain medication and a heating pad. Mom may not be able to keep all of her antiques so if anyone is interested, I can take pictures of what she has. The important thing to her is that they go to someone that will love them. I'm going to take some of the antiques but, if anyone is interested let me know. She has antiques sowing machines, pianos, desks, radios, etc...

I know gods got a plan and maybe this is part of it. Just have to keep telling myself that.

Daily Log 01/13/2008

Today was my doctors appointment. I met with my PCP Dr. Swanson. He changed my pain medicine and doubled the dosage to try and get my pain under control. He also put me on a really strong anti inflammatory that works better on cartilage damage as well as a muscle relaxer. If I'm not showing any improvements in pain in 7 days, he wants me to get a more detailed CT of my sternum and the rib connection points. Before we left, I sneezed again which caused my sternum to pop and crack again. The pain floored me. I really need to do everything possible to not sneeze or cough. Crystal brought over tater tot casserole for dinner which Kat and I love.

Mom's definitely loosing the house. They have until the 11th of February to get everything out. Thanks to this accident, I can't do anything to help with moving or packing mom's memorabilia. She has a bunch of antiques and I'm going to try and take a few of them for my house that way she doesn't have to just leave them. Some are very very large so I would probably need to rent a truck with a lift to move them. One thing after another. Krishna's laid up in bed because of her back and our sister Aimee refuses to do anything to help mom or us. Not allot of options or time. I can only pray that these tests are for some greater purpose.

Daily Log 01/12/2008

Woke up at 10AM for in home physical therapy. We worked on range of motion. Things went okay. I'm starting to get concerned though. My range of motion is improving but, the pain is still severe with no improvement. Waking up is the most painful part of the day. After sleeping stretched out, my chest hurts so much that I almost cry. I'm really starting to get frustrated. I can't stand being helpless. Trying to lift anything hurts so much. Kat has been amazing. I walked with Kat and Buffy to the mailbox for the first time since the accident and it went okay. We stayed at a very slow pace. I tried dusting and got most of it done but, it was extremely painful. Not only on my chest but, my lower back, shoulders, and ribs were all painful. Probably due to whiplash. I had to have Kat move the fish tank because of the pain it caused when I tried to lift it. It only ways 5 pounds or so. Once again, I couldn't do the dishes. I tried to stand at the bathroom sink to shave and my lower back tightened up to the point of severe pain.

Daily Log 01/11/2008

Woke up at 2PM again. Tried sleeping on my side without any success. The pain was just too much. Crystal brought over a wonderful dinner for Kat and I for which we are very grateful. Kat drove us to WalMart today to pick up some groceries. The trip including getting in and out of the car was still remarkably painful. Apparently we were both impacted by the accident more than we thought. On the way to WalMart, we were headed North on Rittenhouse and a truck made a left into the suicide lane but, it nearly gave me a heart attack. Instinctively, I yelled "Oh my god" because I thought he was going to do the same thing the car that caused our accident did. Obviously he didn't but, it still scared the crap out of me. Kat had to clean the fish tank because I couldn't. I can't even pour my coffee carafe into my coffee maker.

Daily Log 01/10/2008

Nothing too eventful today. I sneezed twice in a row and it hurt so much that I cried. It also made my chest start cracking and popping again. Still can't do dishes or clean. I was able to shower for the first time today. It requires Kat's help but, at least I can shower. I finally feel human again. I couldn't go see mom today because I can't drive and being driven around still hurts too much. I'm going to try a short trip out tomorrow to go to WalMart to get some groceries. Obviously Kat will be driving as it's going to be a while before I can drive myself again. Because of how I get my wheelchair into the truck, my chest will have to be fully healed before I can drive.

Spencer dropped off some amazing cookies today. They didn't last long.

Because I can't lift anything more than a few pounds, Kat took on putting our new media cabinet together herself and she did an amazing job.

Daily Log 01/09/2008

Another eventful day. I woke at 10AM to meet with the Physical Therapist. I then went back to bed until 2PM. No real motivation to get up when you can't do anything or go anywhere. Kat left early to go to her Doctors appointment so I'm trapped at home. I was able to put my own shoes on though so that is a step in the right direction.

I still can't do dishes or dust so I'm going a little crazy. I had to get Buffy bathed today so when Kat got back from the doctors, we took Buffy to Petsmart to get her a bath. I made a big mistake. I wasn't ready to be driven around or to get in and out of a vehicle multiple times. I'm in so much pain. I sneezed a few minutes ago and I almost cried it hurt so bad. I tried to sit at my desk for a few minutes but, I couldn't. My right shoulder and tricep seized up. This just sucks.

Some photos from the accident and the hospital

Daily Log 01/08/2008

I ended up sleeping until 2PM today because I didn't relish dealing with the pain. I woke and and Kat helped me out of bed. Because of my limited mobility, Kat had to help me get my shoes on. I started my day at a slow pace. Made several calls to my lawyer and scheduled in home Physical Therapy for tomorrow. Because of my injuries, I couldn't clean or do much of anything
around the house. I couldn't spray the weeds or clean the dishes. It's going to get frustrating quick. I don't like having my independence taken away. We ordered a Media Shelf and it arrived today but, I can't put it together because I can't lift anything without severe pain.

Thankfully, my wonderful neighbors and friends Spencer and Crystal helped us out so much. They made us a homecoming dinner so that we wouldn't have to worry about trying to cook. They also brought my Christmas decorations in and took down my tree and to top it off, they cleaned up the pine needles. It was such a load off my mind as I hadn't quite figured out how I was going to tackle the Christmas decorations. Appreciation doesn't cover how grateful Kat and I are.

Car Accident

Kat, Bufffy, and I were in a car accident new years eve. I'm still in the hospital and I'm not sure when I'll be released. Kat is bruised from the air bags and has whiplash but is okay otherwise. I unfortunately compressessed my chest in addition to whiplash. Thankfully, no broken bones and no injures to my legs. It could have been so much worse. The other driver just decided he would turn left in front of us and when he realized he screwed up, he panicked and stoped before accellerating. We weren't speeding but, he was so close that we couldn't stop in time and T-Boned him. Other than me,no oher major injuries. We lucked out and an off duty officer witnessed the whole thing so the other guy was cited

The more i move, the more places I find that hurt..

Berlin is home

She kept a positive and brave attitude even though she wanted to be home playing with her toys Christmas night and even though she had to get an IV after being told mistakingly earlier that she wouldn't have to get any shots if she went to the hospital. Fortunately she doesn't have to have surgery. She has to wear a back brace for 2 months and has to be extremely cautious as to not fall, trip, or slip which for a four year old is going to be a challenge. Even though she is frustrated and doesn't want to wear the brace she is happy to be home with her family, cats, and toys. She wants to share with everyone that she was very brave when she got what she calls a blood test(IV).

I want to personally thank everyone for their prayers and well wished. It really does make a huge difference.

Prayer request for an Angel

Sweet little Berlin broke 8 vertebrae and 1 rib Christmas night. This is very scary because her T8 vertebrae is missing 80% of its mass due to the last fracture. It's not known yet if she will need surgery but, please get out your praying pads because she needs as much help as she can get. We all do. She is such a trooper. While the medics were getting her ready to be moved, she was telling them about her favorite color and princesses. When Kat and I got there, I asked her how she was doing and she gave me a thumbs up.

It's sad and yet a testimony to the human spirit that a 4 year old has had enough experience with getting hurt that she can deal with it like an adult.

Buffy is a little Christmas Theif

Little miss Buffy searched out and stole her Christmas gift. When I finally got it back, I hid it in the pocket of my recliner. It was completely hidden so I went to the restroom. Guess who walked in with her gift? She found it by smell. Needless to say, it's now hidden somewhere that unless she grows thumbs, she isn't going to get it.

How much can the human heart take?

Sometimes I wonder how much the human heart can take before breaking, thus causing loss of one's self. What do you do when you reach that point? You can only repress so much sadness and hurt before the spillways open to relieve pressure. The question is, can the spillways be closed again?

I think everyone is aware of my mom's health and now, because there is no one to help out with the mortgage that she shouldn't even be responsible for, the house we all grew up in is in foreclosure and she is very likely going to be put on the street. With her medical problems and inability to even get out of bed by herself, I'm honestly not sure she would survive loosing her house.

I'm just not sure how much more I can take. I try to keep busy and repress as much as possible but, it's just getting too hard. There just doesn't seem to be light at the end of the tunnel.

Just wanted to get some thoughts out on paper as it were.

In loving memory of Friggidy Frog

After two weeks MIA, Friggidy Frog was found dead outside my Garage door directly to the left of the door threshold. He looked very peacefull. He tried to come home but something happened and he died. I suspect bug spray. I'm not sure what the life span of that type of frog is. It may have been natural causses.

It was a traumatic and emotional two weeks. Buffy was at a loss when Friggidy didn't show up at 6PM to play with her through the arcadia door. After the first week, Buffy stopped waiting by the door but, would periodically check throughout the night.

Friggidy will remain in our hearts always. Whenever we are out back, we will think of Friggidy frolicking in the Dichondra.